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Focusing on Another Weight

12 Mar

Weight: n. The amount or quantity of heaviness or mass; amount a thing weighs.

I’ve been feeling heavy lately, but not because my jeans are too tight.

My goal, as you know, has been to lose 40 pounds by August 4. So, I’ve been proactively going to the gym, cutting calories (in a healthy way) and stepping up the pace even more. I was feeling good, even energized, by my new routine.

But, I began noticing some changes that concerned me.

As a breastfeeding mom who exclusively nursed my son until he was 14 months old, I have the same commitment to my daughter, which is make it to 12 months. All the studies support breastfeeding for improved bonding, improved immunity, improved intelligence…you name it. It’s very special and very important to me. So much so that my breast pump and I are practically joined at the err…hip. Twice a day every day at work, the lactation room and I have a 20-minute date. It takes time out of my work day and, given that I’m down a team member and work for a crazy healthy (and exploding!) company, every minute is a precious, limited commodity.

I began my routine two weeks ago as usual and began to notice a steady drop in what my body supplied. I brushed it off and reminded myself that I needed to drink more water. Still, the “problem” continued and I began to stress.

On Monday, we saw my 9-month-old daughter’s pediatrician who said her head circumference and her height were on target; that her developmental milestones were dead on and that she seemed to be in great spirits. But…how much was she eating? What was she eating? How much milk was she taking in?

We left the pediatrician’s office with an appointment reminder slip in hand to see her again a month later for a “weight check up.” Strict orders to increase supply of milk or we’d be resorting to…formula supplementation. I don’t think formula is evil, please don’t get me wrong; it’s just not my first choice. I don’t want to lose the special bond I have breastfeeding my daughter and I know supplementation can be a slippery slope. I want to make sure her immunity is being built on the same solid foundation as my son’s (even though it’s pretty crummy right now. Thanks, preschool!).

All of this is not the end of the world, but I left  the office that day feeling like the worst mom on the planet.

Was she getting enough? Did she feel hungry all the time or something? I thought we were giving her enough with the three solid feedings, milk before work, during the day and at night and her snacks…she’s not a fussy baby. Wouldn’t she let us know?

The questions are still swirling through my head as I scan articles on the CDC’s website; the Mayo Clinic’s website and chock my head full of more information on how to increase milk supply than I ever thought I’d want to know. Fenugreek three times daily; empty your breasts whenever you can to “trick” them into thinking they need to supply more. More water. Less stress. More breastfeeding. Less solids.

It’s overwhelming. So much so that for the first time in months, I caught a random cold bug and it kicked my butt. I’m better now, but I’m not.

Every minute I’m wondering if she’s gained a few ounces; does she have what she needs; is there anything more I can do? I’m worrying, and meanwhile, my daughter just plays and chatters away, crawls all over the floor and grins her big, toothless smile, dimple in her right cheek.

So, yes, I have a gym membership. Yes, I’ve used my gym membership. Yes, I have healthy foods and yes, I’m eating healthy foods. But now’s not the time for focusing on the scale. I can’t lose my breast milk. I WON’T lose my breast milk.

For now, the only weight I’ll be focusing on will be my daughter’s.

Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

5 Things Making Me a Happier Mom

27 Feb

IMAG2388I’ve accomplished a goal that I never set out to achieve: I’m a happier mom now.

Okay, so this could always ebb and flow like any mood, but let me tell you, it’s amazing how much happier I feel; how much more present I feel when I’m with my children and my husband.

So here’s what’s changed.

1. I’m Exercising. Lunch hours no longer really include, well, lunch. Since signing up for a gym membership, my lunch hours are now spent working out at least a few days a week. Talk about a de-stressor during a crazy work day! And, let me bunny trail for a second. You know those evenings when you’ve had a long day at work and you feel like you’re just going to lose it when you step in the door because you feel so overwhelmed? Okay, just me. Well, Friday was “that day” for me and thankfully, I was able to hit a spin class before going home.

I was a new mom.

2. I’m Eating Healthier. Junk food makes you feel like junk; seriously. Sluggish, gross, maybe even a little more down than before you picked up that juicy, cheesy In ‘N Out burger. Since incorporating more veggies, water, having a daily protein shake, and lightening up my diet in general, I feel more balanced, more focused and definitely feel more energetic even on the stilted sleep I still experience having a daughter under 1.

3. I Have a Hobby. Yep, I got a hobby. I used to scrapbook and do crafting occasionally, but who can spread out and sit down undisturbed to do that anymore? Then, marathon running and training became a hobby (it’s really my lifestyle now, but we’ll put that on the shelf for now). For a while, my baby daughter has been my world, edging out a possibility for any new pursuits, but now that she’s older, it’s getting easier to incorporate more “me” time into my life again. So, I have my own Pampered Chef business. I cook, I bake and I’m around other adults for a few hours every week…and I earn money to cover family vacations. Win, win, win!

4. I’m Having “Girl Time.” It’s hard to feel like it’s okay to be away from home outside of work hours when you are at a job from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. every day. You want to spend time with your family. You know you need to keep up with the daily chores…but still, that small voice inside cries out “I need to get away!” Thank goodness I have a wonderful, supportive husband who just KNOWS when I need to just get out with the girls. From a spa day to a shopping day, I’ve been lucky enough to have some girl time over the past few months, which has seriously spared my sanity and perked up my mood in a huge way.

5. I Splurge, Minus the Guilt. Yup, you heard right. I haven’t stepped on the scale lately, but while I’m changing my habits, I’m also having grace with myself and allowing little splurges. If I want a cupcake date with my little boy, then I do it…and make better choices before and after said event to make up for it. The best part, however, is that I’m no longer beating myself up over having a sugar-laden treat. I’m making a change, but we all need margin. Be good 90% of the time and give yourself 10% wiggle room for the inevitable splurges, right?

So there you have it. Five little things that are making me a happier mom. They could help you be a little happier too…even if you aren’t a mom.

“I Don’t Have Time”

13 Feb

“I don’t have time.”

cooking

Single biggest reason I’ve cited in the past for not:

  • Going to the gym/exercising/running
  • Cooking healthy meals
  • Bringing my lunch to work instead of going out to eat
  • Getting my chores done

What I’ve found that REALLY translates to is “I don’t want to MAKE the time.” Because, let’s face it, when we REALLY want something, we’ll make time. We’ll somehow find a miraculous 30 minutes to watch our latest show; to surf Facebook; to go through the drive thru for food; take a trip to the mall. Somehow, we find a way.

Going back to that infamous “list,” one that I’ve been tackling recently is cooking healthy meals. For those of you who are unaware, this is my current cooking partner (see picture above). Pretty cute, right? I love Miss Z, but I gotta tell you, cooking with one arm is a bit of a challenge. Forget even TRYING to cut something with a knife.

Anyway, case in point, tonight was a whirlwind. Got home from my 9-to-5 job; changed; loaded the kids up in the car; drove to swim practice for my other kiddo; drove through the drive thru for said kiddo (I know, I know…we’re working on that, too); got both kids settled; fed Miss Z her standard fare then happened to glance at the clock.

7 p.m. Still no dinner made.

chickenPopped a few seasoned, raw (unbreaded) chicken tenders in my Round Covered Baker in the microwave with 12 minutes and proceeded to change the baby into her jammies, get the other kiddo’s teeth brushed; fill up bedtime water and straighten up his  mess.

DING.

Still no time to eat dinner so I leave the chicken in the baker and try to put Miss Z down for bed. Ya, not happening (hence the picture from earlier in this post).

(Side note, does any of this sound familiar to any of you…? Thought so.)

One kiddo in bed and another in my arms, I’m back to the kitchen to rinse a salad mix, poked holes in a flour tortilla, spritzed it with olive oil and laid it over the upside-down Round Covered Baker for 4 minutes to create a taco

salad

shell crust (Look, ma, no deep frying!) and put the baby down so I could chop up the chicken.

10 minutes later, I had this lovely creation: a southwest chicken salad on a crunchy tortilla bowl/shell.

As I type, it’s 8:20 p.m. and the baby and other kiddo are finally in bed. The other half of my salad is sitting next to me (I’ll get to it).

The No. 1 Lesson in weight-loss I’ve learned thus far is do whatever it takes to ELIMINATE excuses. If there’s something “keeping you” from exercising or eating healthy, examine it and find a way around it.

Jim Rohn says “If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way; if you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.”

One down, a few more to go…

(6 pounds down, 34 to go by August 4, 2013)

My 30th Birthday Present to Myself

5 Feb

30cakeI’m not gonna lie.

The idea of turning the big “3-0″ stings a little. And no, it’s not because I’m worried about getting old; I’m not contemplating the fact that my life is nearly half over; I’m not worried about my accomplishments to this point.

Thirty just seems…not me.

Anyway, as I bid good-bye to 30, I’ve decided that I’m going to treat myself to a very special gift that I’ve been thinking about for a while. It’s going to be a gift that keeps on giving and one I can use as much (or as little) as I like.

I’m getting a gym membership.

To set the record straight immediately, I’m not getting a gym membership because I think it’s going to magically transform my schedule or do the work for me. On the contrary. I’m splurging on a gym membership (which will mostly be reimbursed by my company every month anyway) because I need a place to just go and focus on my exercise goals.

It’s easy for me to subside on running and before having my daughter, working out in the living room wasn’t too difficult, but now the challenges of working out are not working out. So, I’m splurging for my 30th and getting a gym membership.

If you’re feeling up to “celebrating” with me, drop me a line and I’ll see if I can get a guest pass for you. :)

(P.S. Working on my next post about my food changes and I’m super excited to share. Coming soon! :) )

My Change in Progress: Week 1

13 Jan

hiking with zSo this won’t happen every week, but I figured one week in would be a good place to start.

The change has begun!

Here’s what I did well this week:

1) Exercised Five Times. My goal is to exercise 4-6 times a week and I achieved that goal this week. How did I do it while working full-time, managing two kids AND having a business on the side? I planned ahead. For example, on Wednesday, I knew I’d be picking up my daughter after work, which would mean no time to get out and run, so I ran during lunch time. That would be the one benefit to winter time temps. I’m mostly doing cardio right now, but weight training is up next!

2) I Stuck to Healthy Eating. I managed to say “no” to at least three tough encounters: 1) Chick Deep Covered BakerFil A Wednesday night. Normally, this is an easy grab-and-go. I skipped it and made Chipotle chicken in my Pampered Chef Deep Covered Baker in the microwave in 15 minutes and then created a fresh corn salsa over corn tortillas. WAY better (and tastier) than Chick Fil A. 2) Wanted a chocolate bar Thursday night during Grey’s Anatomy and turned to Vanilla Honey Greek yogurt instead. Added a few mini chocolate chips for my chocolate fix. 3) Rather than going out to lunch a few times during the week like I normally do, I brought Morning Star veggie burgers, a handful of arugula and roasted red pepper hummus. Super tasty and filling!

3) Got My Sleep. Yep, I stuck with 8-10 hours of sleep a night…miraculously. You definitely have to be intentional and keep an eye on the clock, especially after a long day with the kids when you’d like a little time to yourself playing with Facebook or whatever else.

Here’s what I didn’t do as well this week:

1) Stepped on the Scale Multiple Times. While the number is an indicator, it’s not my main focus. And, to be honest, weighing myself day in and day out actually is more distracting to me and discouraging at times. By not seeing the number budge or not change as fast as I’d like in the past, I’ve N01noticed it’s easier to fall away from my good habits. I want to commit to just a ONCE weekly weigh in.

2) Not Drinking Enough Water. I need to be drinking my weight in ounces, and that’s A LOT of water; far more than what I did this week. I’m committing to filling up my huge cup of water at work and drinking at least two a day. Water is crucial for weight loss for satiety and also to give your body the ability to release the stuff you don’t want.

3) Stressed Out. I didn’t turn to the things I normally do when I stress out (i.e. chocolate and wine…), which is good, but now it’s about breaking down the stress and removing or reducing the amount in my life. Stress is a HUGE inhibitor for weight loss and can promote all kinds of horrible chronic disease and premature aging. No thank you! I commit to taking a walk, doing some deep breathing or refocusing when I encounter the levels of stress like I did this past week.

That’s my week in a nutshell! I’m incorporating more vegetables, lean proteins and following one quick adage that I hope you’ll love, too:

“Eat breakfast like a king; lunch like a prince; dinner like a pauper.”

-Sanjay

Stack your calories and what you consume during the day accordingly!

How to Be Radically Different

8 Jan

change picEveryone has an identity. Some people might see you as the person they go to for advice on fixing a car. Or, maybe you’re the pseudo-expert on getting children to behave. Me? My identity has always hinged on running in one facet or another.

That’s why I was slightly shocked and appalled when a friend of mine said this to me recently:

“When you used to marathon…”

…:insert screeching brakes here:…

“Used to?”

Having a baby 7 months ago has definitely changed things. No longer can I just pop right out of bed and go for a run. I’m lucky if I can even get out of bed on time most mornings or simply have enough time to care for the baby and my family, get myself ready and make it out the door to get to work as needed. BUT, (and I was clear to say this to my friend) I will ALWAYS be a marathon runner. A marathoner. I do marathons…you know what I mean.

However, in running, just as with life, if you want better results, you have to change. And, as you’re aware from my previous post, I’m ready for change.

So what does the word “change” actually mean? I came across one definition that said “To make radically different.”

Ya, I’ll take that.

But, how do you become radically different?

1) Evaluate & Reflect. I’m naturally a reflective person; I was the 8-year-old girl with the Little Mermaid diary with the lock on it who filled up pages upon pages every day. Sometimes it was about boys; sometimes it was about how “unfair” life was with my parents. Regardless, if you want to change, or become radically different, you have to sit, be quiet and do some self evaluation. What am I happiest with in my life? Who supports me, encourages me and also calls me to the carpet when I’m dead wrong? What do I want to achieve in my lifetime?

2) Seek Advice. Looking before you leap truly has its advantages. You can watch someone fall flat on their face and decide you aren’t going to follow in those footsteps. Or, if you don’t have the privilege of witnessing it, simply finding a mentor or a wise friend can be immensely helpful. Find the person you really trust and give them permission to speak into your life and be honest with you. Ask for their advice on what you need to work on if you’re having trouble pointing it out within yourself.

3) Identify Uses of Your Energy. We’ve all heard it: If you can’t take care of yourself; you can’t take care of anyone. I’ve also heard it said that we all have a finite amount of energy every day and WE choose how we’re going to spend it. So, if you begin every day with $500 worth of energy, what are you spending it on? Is your energy being used up propelling you forward toward achieving your dreams? Or, are you stuck in an energy-suck (read: parasitic relationship) with someone who is all about themselves and their needs? It has to be a give and take. That’s what healthy relationships are all about.

4) Take the Steps. Once you have identified what is unnecessarily taking up your time and energy, then it’s time to decide and take action on what DOES deserve your time and your energy. And, when you’re trying to achieve change, you’re not always going to be met with cheerleaders, encouragers or people who even understand what you’re doing. Hurt feelings and discomfort are simply in the cards. Why? Change is uncomfortable. If it weren’t, wouldn’t most of us look like super models or at least have a healthier body fat? If change wasn’t uncomfortable, then wouldn’t most of us be debt-free, anxiety-free and truly care-free?

I’m anticipating sore muscles with my increase in running. I’m anticipating stomach pains and grumblings from a body that will no longer get the excessive calories it’s been used to. I’m anticipating friends who won’t understand why I don’t splurge on treats; meet them somewhere late or simply don’t meet them at all. Change takes discipline and while discipline isn’t always fun, it produces results.

I’m ready to be radically different.

Saying “Good-bye” to 40 Pounds by August 4

5 Jan

line in sandThere are moments in your life when it’s time to draw a line in the sand. When it’s time to say “enough” in order to achieve what you’ve always dreamed of.

Now is that moment for me.

Stress, bad habits (i.e. “I’m a runner therefore eating pasta/bread/carbs all the time is fine…”) and having two children have slowly added 40 pounds to my frame. 40 pounds. That’s about the weight of my 4-year-old. I’m trying to run 5Ks, 10Ks and marathons with a 4-year-old on my back. How much sense does THAT make???

I’m done.

I’m drawing my line in the sand as this date: August 4, 2013. I will no longer haul this backpack of 40 pounds around with me on a regular basis. I will no longer run with this 40-pound backpack strapped to me and wear down my knees. I will no longer put food into my body simply because it “tastes good.” I will no longer sleep an hour more every morning and skip running simply because “I’m tired” (exercise is actully one of the best ways to energize you anyway).

So what will I do?

1) Eat Right. I will find a nutritionist/personal trainer and follow a plan that will teach me how to eat properly and reduce calories while still breastfeeding my daughter.

2) Exercise Regularly. I will follow an exercise regimen that will incorporate weights and running; at least 4-6 days a week.

3) Lose the Excuses. A quote by Jim Rohn that recently resonated with me was this: “If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.” I have this posted on my refrigerator, on my bathroom mirror and in my office cubicle. Think about it and repeat it a few times.

4) Get Inspired. There’s a popular saying that goes “You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with.” Your circle of influence can either inspire and fuel your growth positively. I’ll be watching my “influences” closely for sure and reading at least one personal development book every few months to keep me excited and inspired to keep going (and growing!)

So, 40 pounds—can’t say it’s been “nice,” but your time is up. Let’s do this!

5 Keys to Refocusing on Your Dreams

26 Aug

What do you do after you accomplish the No. 1 item on your Bucket List?

Answer: You start dreaming bigger.

The past few months have been filled with lots of change; some of it has been fun, but most of it has been challenging. I think we all have a tendency to want to run away from the challenge, to just curl up and accept ourselves for “the way we are,” but really, we were made to be uncomfortable.

Stay “comfortable” and you don’t experience anything new. Stay “comfortable” and really, you just kinda stink.

It reminds me of those rare before-kids-and-a-spouse days when you’d wake up late, stay in your fuzzy pj pants and hang out on the couch watching nothing on TV for hours (what? There’s no way I was the only one!). By the end of the day, you’re filled with energy and you just kinda stink. From doing nothing. At all.

I don’t want to have bottled up energy at the end of the day, the week, the month, the year or my lifetime. I want to LIVE.

I want to dream. And, anyone who knows me knows that I don’t mind being uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, not everyone is in that space. You have people in your life that, whether they recognize it or not, they’re dream stealers. You share that you’re starting a new, healthy journey and they throw your past failures in your face, or simply tell you it’s not going to work. You share your goals and they tell you they’re too lofty or simply give you a half-hearted supportive nod or smile that says so much more.

Now understand me. We all need honest people in our lives who can share their wisdom if we’re walking down an unhealthy path. That’s not who I’m talking about here. Dream stealers most often share the negative, pessimistic or simply guilt-ridden perspective because, to put it bluntly, they aren’t happy themselves. Call it sabotage, call it insecurity. Whatever it is, it’s not what you want immediately influencing your life.

So, what do you do about it? Here are a few things that have helped me:

1. Reconsider Your Sphere of Influence. Who do you spend the most time with? What do you talk about? We all need to vent every once in a while, but if you find that your conversation is not so salty and is filled with just a tad too much poison, it might be time to reconsider your time allotment with that person.

2. Build Some Boundaries. You can still love someone and support someone without allowing their “stuff” to permeate your life. If their posts on Facebook fire you up, hide them from view or, if you really have to, “unfriend” them and share an explanation if you feel the need. If they often call you to gossip or share their latest hang up, consider letting it go to voicemail a little more often.

3. Get Focused. Sometimes you need to gain some perspective and more direction to stay on a straighter path. Consider where you see yourself in a month, a few months or a year. What would you like to be doing and what are you doing TODAY to get yourself there? If you love teaching the piano, find a mentor who is excellent at teaching and have them show you the ropes. If you want to be a stay at home mom, start cutting back on your budget and living a more disciplined life to make it a reality.

4. Find Your Encouragers. You know, the handful of people in your life who have supported your decisions and been your cheerleader. Just try to make sure that they also can balance that encouragement with wisdom (try someone seasoned who has accomplished what you want to achieve.)

5. Have Grace. Dream stealers might not even realize what they’re doing. Sometimes you have to bite your tongue and move on. But, if what they’ve said and done has wounded you and you’re carrying it around, bring it up to them and be willing to forgive. This life is a journey and some take more time than others to realize what they’re doing.

Finally, if you think you might be a “dream stealer” (aka negative nelly; guilt tripper; etc) consider what you can do to change it. Simply thinking before you speak (or before you write, whichever) can go a long way in supporting someone. You never know what that encouragement will mean to them and their future.

Okay, okay, long enough, but final FINAL thoughts:

I’ve always heard the following and so completely agree with it “Feed what you want to grow, starve what you want to die.” Don’t want negativity in your life? It starts with you and who you surround yourself with.

May we all choose to breathe life-giving words into those we come in contact and love every day. Can you imagine what that could do in our world today?

3 Ways to Stay Happy & Healthy When Injury Strikes

23 Jul

Full disclosure: I am incredibly frustrated right now; maybe even a little depressed.

I haven’t run in about two weeks and I’m not sure what’s going on with my foot. After playing mama bear on vacation and taking off after my 2-year-old who decided to dart off near traffic, something went wrong with my arch and I rest doesn’t seem to be doing the trick quite yet. Frustrating.

If you’re an athlete or a runner, odds are good you’ve struggled with some sort of injury. Shin splints. IT band issues. Knee problems. Plantar fascitis. Arch issues.

While the sheer frustration might be enough for us to feel overwhelmed and moody, there are a lot of other keys we may not factor in that can lead us to feeling extra snappy and impatient.

Here’s what you’re likely missing during injury time:

  1. Mood-Boosting Endorphins. Many long-distance runners are known for their “type A” personalities. You know, it’s “all or nothing.” When you’re unable to run, you could find yourself moping and unmotivated to try anything else. You’re mourning the loss. Result? Those happy hormones, endorphins, that you’re used to experiencing aren’t being produced at their normal rate. You could be feeling sad, lethargic or angry.
    Solution: Get on a bike, try a video DVD, join a group class and vary up your cross training as long as it doesn’t aggravate the injury. Still aim for 30 minutes a day. Just do something (even if it’s not your beloved running.)
  2. Vitamin D. Let’s face it: not all of us can tolerate running on a treadmill in our house or at the gym. For.any.length.of.time. So, we hit the pavement and soak in a little bit of sunshine while we’re at it. If you’re going out for a 20-30 minute run without sunscreen, then your skin is likely producing your daily intake of immune-boosting (and mood-boosting) Vitamin D. (Always be sure to wear it on your face and if you’re going to be out for longer than 30 minutes–try a mineral sunscreen, which doesn’t have harmful oxybenzones.) The average person needs 1,000 IU of the vitamin daily, but most of us are stuck inside offices and buildings during the day.
    Solution: Grab a Vitamin D supplement at your local health food store can help stave off colds and keep those blues away. Just make sure you get 1,000 IU daily–I take Ageless Actives by Isagenix, which also includes heart-healthy and cell replenishing CoQ10 and Resveratrol.
  3. Time to Yourself. I don’t know a single person who doesn’t enjoy the bit of time they have to themselves when they go out for a run. Clearing your head or simply having time to process is key to your own mental health sometimes, especially when you have a busy life.
    Solution: Do something by yourself every day or every two days. Pick up a few yoga classes, go for walks with the dog; anything that will help you recover from the rest of the stress in your life.

As much as anyone else, these tips are definitely for me right now. Life is crazy and in a world filled with lots of unhealthy choices for coping with the unexpected, it’s tough when your healthiest choice is stuck on the back burner for goodness knows how long. Just hang in there, try to enjoy a little time off and embrace the opportunity to try something new. :)

Boston Marathon Day

29 Apr

Phew.

So I’m back in sunny Arizona and still feel like I’m processing this whole incredible experience while also readjusting to life without my extra “job” (i.e. training and fund-raising lol).

This experience was such a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, where do I even begin?

Okay, from the top.

5 a.m. Wake Up Call (2 a.m. AZ time–yikes!)


The night before the “big day” I tossed and turned quite a bit. I dreamed that I was scanning the Boston Athletic Association’s Website for my official race time; completely skipped the race part altogether in the dream. I’m not sure why my dreams were focused on my time so much (maybe it was my deepest question mark that I couldn’t predict), who knows.

I had carefully spent a good 30 minutes laying out my running gear. There was my running jacket along with my visor, a full-coverage hat, tons of warm clothes options “just in case” the weather decided to defy all of the reports and turn rainy rather than sunny and a bag full of all of my necessities for supplementing and hydrating during the race.

As I got out of bed and started quietly getting ready, everything began to sink in. This was THE day.

My mind always goes back to a photo I have of myself right before the start of one of my State track meets from high school. I’m gathered with the other members of my 4x3200m relay team among dozens of other high school track runners receiving instructions on the rules of the race. When the gun will go off. How long our first runner needed to stay in their lane. Timing for passing off the baton.

My face is so serious you’d think I was absorbing life or death information.

Though I couldn’t see it at the time, I suspect my face was much like that as I slipped on my running capris and then a pair of old sweatpants for extra warmth. My faithful running jacket on along with my Childhelp/Isagenix shirt, I decided to chance it and wear my visor, opting for what I had trained in.

By 6 a.m., we were headed out the door to downtown Boston so I could catch a bus to Hopkinton, the start of the legendary race.

As we arrived and I jumped in line, I was grateful to get on a bus within about 30 minutes. Here’s my view from the bus of those who arrived a little later:

The line was hundreds of runners deep and snaked down the street, curving into downtown Boston. So glad I didn’t have to stress over getting a spot on the bus!

6:45 a.m. (4 hours ’til race time)

Once on the bus, I chatted with my seatmate and was relieved when he told me that he was running the race due to a “connection” he had and not because he’d smoked his qualifying time. He was from New Hampshire and this was only his second marathon. He was so excited to be running the marathon he’d seen from afar since boyhood.

(Here’s the Charleston River on our way out of Boston)

Honestly, going to the Boston Marathon as a charity runner, I wondered how I would feel when I arrived and was among the thousands of other runners. Would I feel worthy? Like an outsider?

On the day of, I was so excited to be able to share more about Childhelp with the people who asked me about my shirt and my charity. I received more “good for you’s” than judgmental glances.

As our bus approached Hopkinton, we came upon our first Boston Marathon welcoming sign that made my heart skip a beat:

(and yes, it’s being blown by a freezing cold wind)

The Athlete’s Village: our holding pen until it was time for us to approach the starting line according to our wave and corral (I was in the very last wave in the very last corral since I was A) a charity runner without a qualifying time and B) One of the last charity runners to be registered since we were picked up from the waiting list in February.

Athlete’s Village is a fenced-in area located behind Hopkinton High School. A large tent was set up along with hundreds of Port-o-Potties, tables covered in bottles of Gatorade, protein bars, bananas and oranges. The grass was soft, wet and muddy following the previous day’s rainy weather, so I had to grab a few items from my bag to sit on while I waited. I marveled at some of the ingenious ideas that more “experienced” runners had: Many brought tarps, garbage bags and even inflatable rafts (they would just blow up the pillow part) to lay on the ground. Tip for next time for sure!

Just an hour before the race, I lined up behind dozens of other runners at a bank of Port-o-Potties. I struck up a conversation with a California runner who had qualified for Boston during her second marathon, the LA Marathon. Since I couldn’t seem to connect with my fellow Childhelp runners and she didn’t have anyone to pal around with, we became friends for the time being and wandered around in search of where to drop our bags and head to the start.

Then we discovered the massage tent. (YES!)

We both got our legs massaged just before dropping our bags and walking several blocks down the street to the start line.

This was it!

10:45 a.m. Start Time!

The sides of the start line were crowded with well-wishers. People hung out of store windows and cheered, held signs and offered snacks and encouragement. You knew they’d been doing this for over an hour already. The elite had gone. The really fast had gone. The just-made-it speedy runners had gone. And now, here we were, the few thousand left who were in the final wave in the very last corral. The person on the megaphone said “We’ve been waiting for you all. You’re our favorite! Thank you for all of the money you’ve raised for charities to get here. You did a good thing.”

My eyes began to well with tears and my chest began to feel heavy. I thought I was going to just lose it right then. There in that moment as I soaked in the energy and excitement, the anticipation and the true realization of what I had done, it was almost too much to handle.

I managed to keep myself from sobbing uncontrollably, pulled myself together and let my smile overtake my face, pure joy spread across it.

I was about to run the Boston Marathon!

With little additional fan fare, the crowd began to surge forward and I readied my Garmin running watch so I could follow my pace, my mileage, and if I was on track for my general time goals.

Miles 1 to 6

Though I’m a fan of running with my iPod while training, it’s never been my second-nature. I’ve always enjoyed running without additional distractions. In the first six miles, I also just wanted to focus on not going out too fast, taking in all of the beautiful views of New England and relishing the incredible spirit lined up along either side of the course. Children held out sliced oranges for energy, their hands for “high-five’s” of encouragement and cowbells to channel their energy into effective clangs. Locals waved flags and signs, clapped their hands and yelled out for those who had written their name on their shirt.

Unfortunately, during those first six miles, my stomach was not too happy with me. Perhaps it was nerves or traveling, but I’ll spare you the details and sum it up like this: three Port-o-Potty stops later I was pretty much fine.

Miles 7 -16

In the past three marathons I’d run, typically the first 13 miles are pretty easy and go back fairly quickly. It’s the final 13 where the mental and physical hurdles truly begin. For me, that was not the case in this race weirdly enough. As I ran along downward slopes and the easiest part of the course, I began to feel sad that my son and family weren’t able to be there to support me; I began to overthink the number of miles I still had left in the race; I began to battle self-defeating thoughts that I hadn’t encountered in a very long time.

I pushed through, reminding myself that my cousin Emma would be at mile 13 waiting.

As mile 13 came and went, frantic cell phone calls back and forth finally resulted in the realization that she was closer to mile 14. Where was mile 14?

Frustrated, I took my time and replenished fluids, said prayers and tried to kick myself into gear. Finally, just after mile 14, I saw her.

Here, I mustered up my courage and the biggest smile that I could, but outwardly as I spoke with her, I felt defeated. This was not how it was supposed to be going.

I pushed myself through mile 15, took a walk break with fluids and talked myself through what I was feeling. “There are only 11.2 miles left in this thing. You are over halfway there. You are doing great.”

But inside I had hit a mental hurdle.

In that moment, I grabbed my cell phone from the pocket of my water belt and text messaged my husband.

“Please pray. I’m really struggling right now,” I texted through a blur of fresh tears.

He quickly responded:

“Praying. You’re doing great. I’m following you now.”

Then another text message came through, but this time it was a photo message:

A picture of my son and two nephews that my mother-in-law had taken. I’m sure it was meant for me to see after the race, but in that moment it was exactly what I needed.

I broke down crying, and after a few minutes the wall seemed to be gone.

I was back and ready to conquer the next leg with a more cheerful demeanor.

Miles 17-20

Finally on track, yet still not running at my normal pace, I chugged along listening to my music and reflecting on memories connected with certain songs.

“I’m learning to breathe, I’m learning to crawl, I’m finding that you and you alone can break my fall. I’m living again, awake and alive. I’m dying to breathe in these abundant skies.”

The journey to Boston had been filled with ups and downs. I was so grateful for all of the support from the hundreds of people who donated to my fund-raising efforts for Childhelp, who had shared encouraging words and asked me how my preparations had been going.

As I approached the area between mile 20 and 21 known as “Heartbreak Hill,” I honestly couldn’t distinguish where this landmark was. The whole way to the point felt like a large rolling hill that crested, fell a bit and then climbed up a little higher. When I reached a point with a large, blown up sign that read “You’ve conquered Heartbreak Hill,” I almost laughed because I still had no idea which one it was. Oh well. :)

Miles 21 – 26

Just when I thought my challenges for the race were over, they began again. At mile 23, literally as I stared at the sign and then glanced at my watch, the screen suddenly went blank and shut down. A Garmin trademark popped up on the watch face and then quickly disappeared into a thin line.

This couldn’t be happening.

My Garmin is a great tool if only for one reason: When you just need to know the answer to the nagging question in your head of “how much further,” it can answer it for you right away. When I see that the numbers are at 22.68 miles, I know I have less than .4 miles left before that number rounds out and somehow, that’s motivating.

I shoved the bleeping watch into the pouch of my water belt and ruefully set off toward the finish line. This sucks, is all I could think in that moment.

Two miles down the road, my training injury flared up with pain searing the side of my left foot. Still, I pressed on, determined to finished. I was so close!

As I rounded Copley Square and hobbled my way toward the legendary finish line street, Boylston Street, I passed a man pushing his disabled son in a souped up wheelchair, an entourage of other “Team Hoyt” emblazoned across the back of their jackets. This father-son duo had been through marathons and triathlons together and now, the father in his 60s, here they were finishing the Boston Marathon.

After realizing who they were, I got a little choked up and that much more inspired. What was a little foot injury compared to all of this.

Soon, there I was at the end of Boylston Street, the finish line only .2 miles away, yet still feeling so far. I focused my attention on the finish line and went for it, my foot burning with each step. I was about to accomplish my dream!

I crossed the blue and yellow, John Hancock Boston Athletic Association finish line, my arms held up. I was so grateful in that moment to God for blessing me with such an amazing opportunity; for making my dream a reality; for loving me in that way.

I was overjoyed that I had done it and relieved that it was over.

A volunteer greeted me several yards down with my Boston Marathon finisher medal. I started to cry as she placed it around my neck and I told her this was my biggest dream come true.

“Oh honey, you’re so young! I’m going to give you your medal and also give you a hug. Congratulations,” she said as she placed the medal around my neck and embraced me.

April 18, 2011 is a day I will not soon forget.


After taking this quick picture, it was time to do something I hadn’t done all day: eat. With the race starting so late, it was already 4 p.m. by the time it was over for me.

So my cousin and I went to a seafood restaurant a few blocks away called Turners and indulged:

Seafood risotto first….

…then dessert!


So, to sum things up, Boston was a dream come true, even if things didn’t come together like a dream. I raised over $6,000 for Childhelp. I spent two days with my family whom I hardly ever see. I reconnected with my cousin in a deeply profound way. I ran the 115th Boston Marathon which will likely always be known in the history books as the race that recorded the fastest marathon time ever (Geoffrey Mutai 2:03:02).

I’m not sure what my next “#1 Bucket List” item will be, but it sure will be hard to top this one.

If you happened to make it through this incredibly long post, thank you ever so much again for all of your support through this whole journey. I know I could not have done this without the encouraging words, prayer and financial support from those that care so much about me.

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

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